I decide I might as well check on the Muffy prices first before I try Learning Express. Tahh Dahhh! Muffy with no outfits (naked Muffy as Andrea calls it) is $19.95. On budget. This takes about 5 min. I come out of Crispin's Bears and notice a bright orange parking ticket on the Auntmobile. Arrrgh. I put the ticket in my wallet, a quarter in the meter, the Muffy in the car, and head for coffee before I make any more un-caffeinated muddleheaded decisions.
I arrive at pickups early. There's a 2 year old girl crawling around on the floor with a stuffed kitten in her mouth pretending to be a mama cat. Every once in awhile she puts the kitten down and meows. Andrea's class comes out first. Ellizabeth's class comes later. We run to the car. I don't know why we're running. Andrea runs into the road in front of a car. I run faster and yell. The car stops. I tell Andrea to look before she crosses the street.
We do snacks. Doritos and Pringles. Yes, kids actually eat Pringles. These kids love them. Andrea pours a large glass of water. A very large glass of water. She runs into the Purple Room with the water. The water spills all over her t-shirt and leggings. She strips down to her panties on the spot and demands that I get her a nightshirt from her room. After eliciting a "please". I return with a big t-shirt and another pair of leggings. She refuses to put on the leggings or socks and shoes. She's dressed in nothing but the panties and t-shirt. It's time to go to Elizabeth's piano lesson. Andrea refuses to get dressed. She wants to stay home while E goes to piano. I explain that I can't leave her home alone and would she please get dressed so we can go to Mrs. Reed's. She refuses and says she won't get out of the car. I relent. She gets in the car with a large glass of water, dressed in t-shirt and panties.
Halfway to Mrs. Reed's Andrea spills the water. She starts crying. She takes off the t-shirt and demands to go home to change. We don't have time. I picture SWAT teams of child welfare workers rushing the car, seizing the children, and throwing me in jail. How will I explain to Kevin? "Lesbian Aunt Busted with Naked Child On Board"
The whining continues. Meanwhile Elizabeth is making a card for Molly. She asks me to show her how to make a lowercase j in cursive. I'm driving. Andrea's whining. I'm drawing j's in the air. Nothing in my education prepared me for this.
At Mrs. Reed's, Andrea and I stay in the car doing mazes. I cover her with my wool shirt but she says it smells bad. I cover her with my flannel jacket. She's cold but flat out refuses to put on my sweatshirt. So it goes.
Things settle down after we drop E at the party. A gets dressed. We play board games. I call for the pizza timed so it'll be ready for us to swing by when we pick up E from the party.
At femme parties they hand out femme goodies. The goody bag includes a little vial of perfume. E is allergic to perfume so she generously gives the vial to A, who immediately opens it, loses the cover, and spills it all over the Auntmobile. My nose is running my throat is closing. I drive with the windows open all the way to Groton House of Pizza while Andrea whines for me to please find the cover for her. After Groton House of, the car smells like pizza and perfume.
Back at the house, we find the cap, eat the pizza, and settle in for a long evening with the Just Grandma and Me CD-ROM. I click on "Read it to Me" and switch the language to Japanese. The only word I recognize is Oba-chan (Grandma).