We pass around a loaf of bread, blessed at Mom's parish church, tear off a hunk and say what we're thankful for. Over the past 4 years it's gotten harder and harder to say something coherent about this. I flubbed my usual thankful to the earth, the sun, the rain for growing the food and Thomas for preparing it speech this time. Elizabeth gave thanks for her Pooh bear. Andrea gave thanks for being allowed to have Beary (my Mom's huge teddy bear with the giant head) at the table with her during dinner. Once again we leave the unsayable unsaid. We have so much to be thankful for and so much to mourn it's a wonder we get through grace let alone dinner.
And I'm not either insenstive enough or sarcastic enough to give thanks that Nikki left Thanksgiving morning while Mom was out, leaving a note of thanks and apology but no forwarding address. A mutual friend from 30 years ago called looking for her as we were putting dinner on the table. I told him all I knew, which wasn't much. I took a message for her but I doubt she'll call to pick it up. According to what Mom was able to get out of her while she was staying there, things are way worse than I imagined. It wouldn't be right for me to detail it here. Suffice it to say, it's a really really bad situation that she left and it isn't clear that being here solves much except getting her out of harm's way. Maybe I hardened my heart too much, or maybe I intuitively stumbled on tough love. Only time will tell.
So we gave thanks on Thursday each in our own hearts, stressed to the limits though they may be. The silent thanks rose up for the miracles and the ordinary events of our ordinary lives. Silent prayer.
I am thankful:
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