Our Purpose Here

September 13, 1996

You read it here first, the great american novel is just not happening. I haven't worked on it since I got back from Russia. I made a bunch of mistakes with this project:

I told people I was writing a novel.
I told people it was about family values (with a twist).
I let my real family life creep into it way too much.
I developed an urgency about "telling our stories" that made me feel pressured to write it fast. Get it out there. Like it makes a difference.

The time has come the walrus said to talk of many things of shoes and ships and sealing wax and cabbages and kings... and plans for the future. The crossroads is here and I'm not ready. Do I go back to work in the telecom industry? I promised my friend, S.G., an answer in 3 weeks. We haven't even discussed terms. But it's not the specifics of the job or the benefits or salary that's the stumbling block. The question is ...
Well what is the question?

If I go back to work now does that mean I'm never going to write a novel? That I'm never going to write "The Size of Rhode Island"? Or start Rhode Island Eco-tours? Or study oceanography at URI? Or go to Antarctica? Does it?

Have I given myself enough of a shot at being a writer when I haven't written the story I need to tell?

Are these the questions?

Can I work in high-tech without overworking, becoming overly emotionally invested in work, and neglecting the rest of my life? That is the $64,000 question.

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