hoop
a fishing net?
Somebody has put up a homemade basketball hoop on the
light pole just outside my gate. The backboard is a
plywood rectangle painted white. The net is a green
fishing net with an aluminum handle stuck through the
backboard.
Last night I was unloading a ton of laundry from my
car when a basketball bounced off the car door near my
head.
trapped
I feel trapped. The "court" includes my parking space.
I can't back out or drive in when the kids are playing. I
constantly find the gate open when I know I closed it.
Kids are constantly scrambling in and out of my yard
after the ball.
yard shame
It might not be so bad if I weren't so ashamed of my
yard. I haven't mowed the lawn yet this year. The
raspberry bushes are taking over. A maple tree is growing
where I didn't plant it. My trash is sitting in plastic
bags waiting for me to have the energy to carry it to the
dumpster. A broken combination rowing machine and
exercise bike has been sitting there for 2 years because
I can't put it in the dumpster and I am too lazy or cheap
to hire someone to haul it away.
The rowing machine/bike symbolizes the despair I sank
into when the renovations to my condo turned into a
nightmare of homophobia, book phobia, damages, and bad
taste. Not to mention incompleteness.
but I digress
At the moment the neighborhood kids are in school and
the fishing net is lying on the ground under the
backboard. The aluminum handle apparently broke off. So
now there's this white board with a jagged projection of
aluminum sticking out of it to brighten up the visual
landscape.Meanwhile, it's 90 degrees out and the swimming
pool is not open.
loud music
music to install kitsch by
Last night one of the Beans of Egypt Maine was working
in the "garden" next door mulching and installing kitsch
lawn ornaments. He had a boom box set on maximum volume
playing some music I didn't recognize. I think the main
reason it bothered me was it reminded me how old and out
of touch I am. I have no idea what kids listen to
nowadays. It was really loud, however. Everything those
people do is loud. They watch late night tv in the
bedroom and I can hear it through the wall. I need to get
a white noise thingie.
doesn't everybody wait til after midnight to
vacuum?
Last night took the cake for noise though. Or should I
say the wee hours of the morning ... they
were vacuuming ... at 12:45
AM!!!!!!!
Umm, no wonder I'm tired.
crotchety old maid
the crotchets
Oh lord, I've become a crotchety old maid! I'm
bothered by basketballs bouncing off my car. I'm bothered
by not being able to use my parking space when I want to.
I'm bothered by people vacuuming at 12:45 AM. What has
become of me?
Pack me up and ship me off to the old age home before
I bake the neighbors' kids into a pie. Oh, can't do that,
my oven doesn't work.
adults only
Those adults only communities in the middle of the
desert are looking mighty good right now. Trouble is I'm
too young for them. And besides that I don't play
golf. My entire reason for being in the universe is to
enable men to play golf. Yessirree. Why did g*d make me?
To know love and serve her in this world and make it
possible for guys to play golf. Charlie is supposed to go
on some golfing expedition in August so I have to plan to
be around to keep an eye on Rita or else Charlie won't
go. Yikes.
golf is the badge of adulthood
Maybe I should learn golf? My therapist once suggested
I learn to play golf and I practically choked. Walking
around chasing a dinky white ball in ugly clothes on a
chemically treated perfect lawn, does not fill me with
inner peace. Yuck!
But now that I think of it, all these adults only
communities have huge golf courses. Clearly golf is what
distinguishes the children from the adults. To be an
adult, you gotta play golf. Why didn't I think of this
before? Huge corporate salaries? Kid stuff. Publishing
obscure UNIX books? Kid stuff. Writing a novel? Kid
stuff. Diving for mussels in the Sea of Japan? Kid stuff.
Saving $14 million accounts for Cosmodemonic? Kid stuff.
Golf? Now that's grownup stuff!
Bring on the putters and drivers!
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